Clark, Gardner B. – December 25, 1861

Michigan Civil War Collection


Click here for this soldier’s biography: https://micivilwar.com/authors/clark-gardner-b/
Regiment: 1st U.S. Volunteers Sharpshooters Battles Mentioned: Historical Figures: Hiram C. Berdan Camp of Instruction Berdans U.S.S.S. Washington D.C. Dec. 25th 1861 My own Dear Mary; Christmas eve 1861, I try to pierce through a thousand miles of distance to see what my Mary is doing, and how she enjoys herself. but I can only guess and guess she is writing to me. And now I will tell you how I have got through the day. before sunrise Roll call as usual. between seven and eight breakfast about nine got a pass to visit Washington, went to the City and after getting a couple quarts Oysters to carry back to camp. Went to the Avenue House to see the Hon. F. W. Kellogg I had to wait two hours to see him but while waiting called upon the Hon. R. E. Trowbridge of Mich. I think from Detroit. After talking about half an hour with him. I called up the Hon. F. C. Beaman also from Mich. He was not in but his wife was and having been there (I dont remember whether I ever told you about it or not but when Brewer and I went to the camp of the Third I went to see him to have him frank some envel- opes for me which he said he would do by the time I came back. His wife asked me about the health of our soldiers and when we came back she was alone she asked me to take a seat which I did and stopped about five minutes to-day she remembered me and called me by my name.) twice before Mrs. Beaman being out she [  ?  ] me to be seated until his return. And then she com- menced telling me how she had spent Christmas. now stop and guess. You will give it up I know so I may as well tell you. She with her husband had been visiting the sick Soldiers from Michigan in the Hospitals. I told her (I dont know as it was right) God bless her for that. she said in the two Hospitals she visited she found them all doing first rate and not very sick, with on exception that was a soldier wounded some time ago in the leg (thats what she said) and time would make that all right. While talking with her Mr Trow- bridge came in with a handful of Michigan papers which he gave me. and Mrs Beaman gave me a piece of “Reed Tape” to tie them together with. I will send it to you in this please keep it for me. After getting back to Camp I found one of my tent mates Henry Hacket, pretty sick. he had been some sick for nearly a week I got him to sweating pretty freely and it brought out the measles thick as they can be and have room. Our tent is so small that one has to sit up to make room for the measles I told the boys I wanted to write to you, so they are all sound asleep but will get up and take my place by and by. Brewers Mary is sick with the measles he has not heard from her since the 16th and Brewer is so near sick there is no fun in it. Yours of the 20th I received last night and shall expect another from you tomorrow night. And now I think I hear you say “what was you going to see N. C. for” in answer I [  ?  ] you to the next sheet. 11. He is often in prison. yet always at liberty; A free man though a servent. He loves not honor among men, yet highly prises a good name. 12 He would lay down his life to save the soul of his enemy, yet will not adven- ture upon one sin to save the life of him who saved his. 13. He swears to his own hinderance and changeth not; yet knows that his oath cannot tie him to sin. 14. He believes Christ to have no need of any thing he does, yet makes account that he 6 relieves Christ in all his acts of charity. He knows he can do nothing of himself, yet labors to work out his own salvation. He professes he can do nothing, yet as truly professes he can do all things; He knows that flesh and blood can not inherit the king- dom of God. yet believes he shall got to heaven both body and soul. 15. He trembles at God’s word, yet counts it sweeter to him than honey and the honey comb, and dearer than thousands of gold and silver 16. He knows God’s providence is all in all things, yet is as diligent in his calling and business as if he were to provide for his own happiness, He believes beforehand that God has purposed what he shall be. and that nothing can make him alter his purpose; yet prays and endeavors, as if he would force God to save him for ever. should be 16 17. He believes that God will never damn him. and yet fears God for being able to cast him into hell, He knows he shall not be saved by, nor for his good works. yet he does all the good works he can                                          7 18. He prays and labors for that which he is confident God means to give; And the more assured he is that more ernest he prays. He believes his prayers are heard even when they are denied and gives thanks for that which he prays against. 19. He has within him both flesh and spirit yet he is not a double-minded man; He is often led captive by the law of sin. yet it never gets deminion ever him; He cannot sin yet he can do nothing without sin. He does nothing against his will yet maintains he does what he would not. He wavers and doubts yet obtains. 20. He is often tossed and shaken, yet in as mount [  ?  ], He is sometimes so troub- led, that he thinks nothing to be true in re- ligion; Yet if he did think so. he could not at all be troubled. He thinks sometimes that God has no mercy for him. yet re- solves to die in the pursuit of it. He be- leives, like Abraham, against hope, and 8 though he cannot answer Gods logic, yet with the woman of Canaan, he hopes to prevail with the [  ?  ] of imper- tunity 21. He wrestles and yet prevails; and though yielding himself unworthy of the [  ?  ] blessing he enjoys, yet Jacob like he will not let him go without a new blessing. He sometimes thinks himself to have no grace at all and yet how poor and afflicted [  ?  ] he be besides, he would not change conditions with the most prosper our man under heaven. that is a manifest worldling 22. He thinks sometimes that the ordinan- ces of God do him no good. yet he would rather part with his life than be deprived of them. 23. He was [ ? ] born dead; Yet so that it had been murder for any to have taken his life away. After he began to live he was ever dying. 9 24. And though he has and eternal life be- gun in him, yet he makes account he has a death to pass through. 25. He counts self murder a heinous sin. yet is ever busied in crucifying the flesh, and in putting to death his earthly members; Not doubting but there will come a time of glory, when he shall be esteemed precious in the sight of the great God of heaven and earth. appearing with boldness at his [  ?  ], and asking any thing he needs; Being endued with humility by acknowl- edging his great crime and offences. 10 and that he deserves nothing but sever pun- ishment. 26. He believes his soul and body shall be as full of glory as them that have more; and no more full than theirs that have less. 27. His death makes not an end of him. this soul which was put into his body, is not to be perfected without his body; Yet his soul is more happy when it is separa- ted from his body than when it was joined unto it: And his body though toss in pieces burnt to ashes, ground to powder, turned to rottenness, shall be no loses. 28. His Advocate, his [ ? ], shall be his judge: His His mortal part shall become immortal; And what was sewn in corruption and defilement shall be sais ed in incorrpution and glory; And a finite creature shall possess an infinite happiness. Glory be to God. Col. Berdan has been trying to get muskets into our hands. I we have misstrusted it this good while but now we know it to be a fact. last Monday night he called us all together and told us he had won a great battle that at last he had got the Secretery of War to sign a requisition for some guns for us they were to be what he called “the Spencer Repeating rifle” got up without regard to expense but meanwhile the War Department were going to loan him a lot of Spring Springfield rifles with sabre bag o- nets to learn the manual of Arms with that. they would be on here in a few days. The story did not sound well we thought it rather strange that Government could offered to let us have Springfield Rifles to play with when there were thousands of troops in and about Washington without arms of any kind Wednesday Morning Dec 26th we did not believe what he said and declared we would not take muskets into our hands (the spring field Rifles are but very little better) for we knew perfectly well if we did we would be obliged to use them if the War Department said so. and we have the name of being one of the best drilled Regiments in Washington. so we con- cluded whill out stay out. The consequences were the boys were pretty raving. Some of the Officers got their mad up sever the boys we should take muskets that was a trifle to large and we declared we would go to the Dry Tortugas for the bal- ance of our three years before we would take any other arm but what we enlisted to take. Col. Berdan was not satisfied and went to our Company Officers told them he wanted them to write to Govenor Blair and have him withdraw our rifles from us because they were not fit to go into the field with whether eavesdropping is manly or not it paid this time. I got a pass to go and get some Oysters and went to see those M. C.s and ask their advice Mr. Trowbridge told me he would have his rights if both Heaven and Hell stood in his path. Col. Kellogg said he wanted me to send him a copy of the Circular we enlisted under and write the particulars of how Berdan was using us and he would write to the Govenor and also have it published in the State papers and if that did no good he would see the War Depart- ment in our favor. This morning Col. Berdan was found hung in Effigy in the Second Reg. the Officers ordered it taken down but the men burned it and on another true was an obituary with a picture of a coffin and said to contain the last earthly remains of the distinguish- ed Col. H. Berdan. These proceed- ings may look neither like muting but our nights we will have and we we have raised such a blow that it will sweep over all the north. we have friends homes, and a country all of which we came here to protect and will protect. But we went by Humbagged. More in a few days. With much love Gardner [On Envelope:] Miss Mary J. Baxter Grand Rapids (Box 450)                    Michigan